September 4, 2015

Relationships are one of the most of the most written about aspects of human life. Amazon has almost half a million books on relationships. They play a key role in daily life. Successful relationships are a joy to be part of and to observe, dysfunctional relationships expend vast amounts of energy with often little or no reward. So what does a successful relationship look like?

Rapport – one of the first aspects that arises when two people meet is rapport, an awareness of each others presence, each others body language and what each person is saying;

Connection – this leads to connection, agreement with what the person says, an admiration for their point of view, who they are and what they stand for, an enjoyment of their sense of humour;

Values – this leads to a realisation that there is a matching of values, a similar outlook on life and the world. This deepens rapport and connection and brings an openess to the depth of communication;

Trust – this leads to trust in the exchange of views and beliefs and an exploration in areas where they may be more uncertainty in order to explore the other persons perspective as they gain a degree of authority in their role within the relationship’

Communication – this opens up deeper communication, honesty and ultimately deeper feelings are shared more openly.

However the challenge here is that we are all different. We have all had different lifetime experiences, different challenges and opportunities and thus have a different interpretation of a broad variety of situations.We may have different perspectives such that:

  • whilst one of us may always talk problem, the other always talks solution;
  • one of us talks sameness, one of us talks difference;
  • one of us focuses on the big picture, one of us analyses the detail;
  • one of us lives in our head, whilst one of us focuses on our feelings.

Successful couples are onto this. They are aware and accept difference (see above). They respect, value and demonstrate interest in what their partner has to say, knowing that there is more than one way to communicate.

Being able to talk your partners language can really enhance the quality of your relationship. If you are big picture and your partner is a detail person, start talking their language. Ask detailed questions and surprise by asking more detailed questions and even more detailed questions. If you are a feeling person and they are a thinking person, try out their approach and ask some thinking questions and see how they respond.

Ultimately a successful relationship is one with agreement as to what it looks, sounds and feels like! Sorted!